Isaac+White



For your 3rd paper, I see where your story line can be interesting. I t is too short and seems rushed--one point run right into the other without an explanation or elaboration. It could use a better start, then go slower with discussing each point...give details--elaborate. There are many points that you can elaborate on, but they just run into each other. Re-read your paper, distinguish each point and elaborate--you made interesting point, they just need to be written about more. Also there are some grammatical errors. -Shannon F.